Door in the Wind: December 2013

From August to December this site has sat missing the touch of new thoughts and experiences. Now in December with 7 months left of my service, I am determined to finish how I started, with more frequent updates on my life in the Peace Corps in Ecuador. So, looking back to August, here is an update.

Julie and Dad

Sunrise from TODARO with Gettysburg Friends

In August my sister Julie got married. In my visit home to the states for her wedding I felt like I had stepped into a mystical land filled with unimaginable sweets and goodness, like the land presented in the film “Big Rock Candy Mountain” that I used to envision myself in as a little girl. In the film, you enter into the land of the Big Rock Candy Mountain by going down a slide, and once there, you are surrounded by trees that grow candy and lakes of soda and everywhere there is amazing food, creatures and colors. The sweets I found in my visit home where not all edible as the land of the Big Rock Candy Mountain, but they were just as delicious. A few of these treasure where: Sitting on the porch in Maine with Gramsie enjoying the quiet, watching the sunrise out of the ocean with some of my closest friends, meeting my cousins beautiful daughters Kaia and Penny Brown, seeing my Dad escort my sister Julie down the lawn toward Kevin... never in my life have I been so startled by someone´s radiant beauty as I was at the sight of Julie. I had an amazing two weeks home and at the end of it I was ready to travel back to Ecuador.

For the duration of the flight from Miami to Quito I wrote in my journal. An excerpt from the rambling of my pen… “Being home felt different then I thought it might. I kept telling people it was easy to be back because my life in the US and Ecuador where so distinctly different. I had my life in the US and my life in Ecuador and I could not relate them in that moment. But was this really true? Was the ease I felt in transitioning born from the stark contrasts I experienced in the two places or the blunt fact that these two places where not that different from one another. I did not leave one civilization to enter into another. You can find in Ecuador and the United States many of the same material things… in both of these places people live their lives with similar routines and aspirations.

Feeling at peace, I landed in Ecuador refreshed and inspired. But, a week into my return to Lloa I hit my worst slump yet. On my 26^th birthday I found myself reflecting on a year’s volunteer work in my community and I felt I had not accomplished all that I had wanted to and I felt in a very real way the passing of a year of my life in which I had spent too many hours alone in my thoughts. I had left for the Peace Corps when I was 24 and I would be returning home weeks away from my 27^th birthday. My head throbbed with difficult questions. I missed proximity to family and friends and I missed the freedom and options I felt to develop who I was living amongst a culture in which I knew how to better manage my actions. I felt sad and I reflected very intensely on all the other times I had felt sad the previous year. I was in a bad place, and then I went to our mid-service training.

Talking with all the other volunteers and taking time to think about my goals and motivations I realized that my negativity had completely dominated my being and I was not thinking rationally. In one of our mid-service training activities we presented for the rest of our group all that we had accomplished in the previous year. Showing pictures of my life in Lloa I realized I had had a year full of activities and joys in new friendships... and while I felt fulfilled with all that I had done, I wanted to be even more involved the following year. Sharing these thoughts with my program manager, the Peace Corps helped me find further work in Quito at an orphanage. I now split my time between volunteering at an orphanage in Quito and the Faro del Saber in Lloa.

Working in the orphanage has been an amazing experience providing me with hope and a much needed boost in my feelings of motivation and positive energy. At my third day working in the orphanage I walked to the gate to find a 6 year old boy standing anxiously with a little gift bag filled with toys. The woman standing with him told me he was waiting for a car to pick him up which would be taking him to meet his new family in the states who had adopted him. He seemed very excited and nervous and kept looking down at a book his new family had sent him filled with pictures of his new home, community, and brothers and sisters he would soon meet. It was an amazing moment to stumble upon, and I think about it every time I walk through the gate into the orphanage to work with the kids.

Creating the Shield of Arms

October flew as most months have, except that I had a surprise visit from my college friend Tara. She came on Halloween which in Ecuador coincided with the day in which they honor the shield of arms on their flag. The school in Lloa put on a program presenting the significance of the shield of arms and Tara and I whipped together a quick presentation on Halloween. I realized in the moment I didn´t completely understand how Halloween transitioned into what it is… something to investigate.


Yolanda and I at a Crisfe Workshop

November was a month I will remember for developing a stronger relationship with the staff and kids in the orphanage and for a three-day workshop I participated in with my Lloa counterpart, Yolanda. November also brought a great joy as my host family received verification that Mayra (my host sister who has lived with my family for the past four year, but who is neither adopted or related by blood) would be allowed to continue living with my family. Looking back again to September… my host family received difficult news that Mayra’s legal siblings where going to be sent to an orphanage on account of Mayra’s real families inability to properly care for the children. Mayra was going to be looped into the deal, as she was not legally adopted into my family. My family fought hard to be able to adopt Mayra legally as she really is a part of my family here, and Adamaris my 5-year-old host sister looks up to Mayra as her older sister. I supported my family from the distance that I could, and am now overwhelmed with happiness knowing that Mayra will stay.

Now December… Christmas is on the horizon; I LOVE Christmas. I love baking cookies, being with my family, and creating interesting gifts. I love familiar music, the smell of pine, to wish for snow… Last year in Ecuador and in the past few weeks Christmas has been celebrated in Lloa as different organization have come into the schools and given plastic bags filled with sweet crackers, caramels, and chocolates to the kids. Christmas lights fill the windows of a select few homes so that I am not missing twinkling Christmas lights, but the overwhelming warmness that has marked the holiday season I grew up with in the states I cannot feel here. The illusion of Santa Clause, the North Pole, and elves working hard in their workshop to make gifts for all the good girls and boys… they do not adventure to Lloa, Ecuador. But that is not to say that it is a sad. It is just a day leading to another day. Joys and peace are found in the day as they can be found in everyday.

Adamaris, Mayra and I... a day at the movies

So the holiday season is much more mellow here and I find myself missing the dazzle of the Holiday season despite my efforts to give into the peace that Christmas provides in Lloa. There are so many Christmas songs that speak of peace. Here it is peaceful.

Speaking of peace, have I mentioned that I am a Peace Corps Volunteer? As is the case, the word “peace” pops out of songs and conversations and hits me in an interesting way. I have thought a lot about this word, and now around Christmas time I see it EVERYWHERE… “Peace” “Paz” “Peace on Earth”…

This word is complicated. I have tried to break it apart and get a better grasp of it so that I can better embrace the role of a volunteer in an organization whose mission is to promote world peace and friendship. I have come to realize that maybe I have taken this word for granted, I talk about peace but do I understand what it means and if I can’t understand it how can I promote it. So I have had to take a step back to first understand what peace feels like within myself. That has been a major part of my experience. Finding internal peace so that my work and interactions are ones in which peace can naturally flow.

Last year at this time I wrote that I was making it a life resolution to never lose sight of the potential, imagination, and unguarded love that I knew as a little girl. I have kept that thought close to my heart all year and because of this I have been able to understand on a deeper level who I am and a new understanding of peace has blossomed within me. I have gained a self-awareness to know what makes me happy, what inspires me, and what challenges me in a compelling way. Knowing this, I have thought about my future and what comes next. The fact stands that throughout my life, in all my pastimes, travels, work, and studies, I always end up working with children and art. Becoming a teacher by profession has always loomed in the back of my mind as something I was meant to do. Now, I really believe this with all of who I am. As is the case in October I was accepted into Antioch University of New England’s Masters in Ecuadation with a specialization in Waldorf Education program. So, what comes next is what has always come next, becoming a Waldorf Teacher. Knowing this, I really do feel at peace.

I wish you a happy holiday season. 2014 marks the beginning of my last quarter of service. I can promise AT LEAST one more post.

PEACE,

Becky